Britain For The Brutish

Controversial author, E. L. James, has teamed up with prolific art-house director Werner Herzog to pen the stage play based on the five-year coalition between Prime Minister, David Cameron, and extracurricular policy onlooker, Nick Clegg. Under the working title ‘C♂alition’, James has been researching her new project for the past five years, working under an alias as Chief Secretary to the Treasury. The upcoming West End show is said to track the masochistic journey from Sheffield Hallam to Downing Street, following its descent into domination, humiliation and submissive conditioning.

“The story of a plucky young professional being seduced by a man in a position of power is a tale as old as time,” James said. “I’ve handled with great subtlety and approached it as a tasteful talking point for middle-aged women around the watercooler.”

Gyllenhaal & McIntyre set to portray the tumultuous pair.

Maggie Gyllenhaal has been slated to return to the stage in the lead role of Clegg and Herzog has reportedly been in talks with Michael McIntyre to make his West End debut as Cameron.